Stalker

Guess who's tried to contact me twice last week? The Great Pretender. I should've started a "how long can he live without me" count. Did he forget that we spoke about his girlfriend a few weeks ago? He sent me a message online. Funny, I had blocked his profile so he coudn't message me, and I did this after having met up with him over Thanksgiving. But it turns out he had a SECOND profile, he's had it all along, I didn't know about it so I couldn't block it.

It'll be two weeks before he notices that I didn't accept his friend invite, and that he can no longer see my profile even. That's when he will call. This will also happen at the same time that we're both home for Christmas. He knows that I'll be going home for Christmas, hence he will call.

I should've told him that I really have no need to ever speak to him again. But I didn't cuz at the moment I didn't know how to say it nicely. I also am not as cold as I'd like or seem to be.

His arrogance is disturbing. I know I hurt him, he (should) know(s) he hurt me. You would think that after nearly 3 years, he could be grown about the situation, but instead everything he says or does says one thing: How can you live without me? The answer is easy: easily. It seems I should be the one asking him that. He's not doing well, and I know this seems crazy to anyone that sees him and "knows" him, but I know him. I think he forgot how much I can read into his actions. He pretended to be doing well, and I in turn pretended to believe him.

The best thing I did when we hit our "bump" in the road in our relationship was take a summer job cross country. In the 3 months I spent that I didn't live with him, I remember thinking one day, wow, how great it is to not argue. Gotta admit, it was a bit lonely, but I was at peace with myself.

I thought about him again before he tried to contact me. I was purging my closet and I found a lot of old pics of us as a couple. I went through them and remembered some memories I had forgotten. I'm in the process of throwing them away. For one, damn were we a photogenic couple! Two, I looked so happy in them. Ignorance was bliss.

New thought:
Been really homesick lately, which is so odd because I had gotten so used to never being home. I guess different things matter now.

Rollerblades @ Night

I just got back from rollerblading around the marina at night. In waiting for my friend to arrive at the restaurant, I realized how much I need to move. Not move out my current city necessarily (though I wouldn't mind) but to move back into a city environment.

I've been very aware of this but there was something about sitting in the car tonight. I looked onto the water and seeing city lights reflect in it really made me miss being home.

Thanks: akaKev

I first met akaKev about 5 years ago. during one of first conversations i called him something like "stupid and lazy", he then called me "racist against black people". I remember thinking that right then and there that he was out of his damn mind: What black man tells a black woman that she's racist... towards black people? Anyway, this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship! He was asking to get the homework assignment for a class we were both in and I mistook him for wanting to copy the entire assignment off of me. We were in a challenging programming class and I seriously took offense to someone who I barely knew to ask for the solutions
so bluntly.

All his crazy stories sounded like a bunch of lies, they were just too outrageous but they were no doubt entertaining so I kept speaking with him. We disagreed/argued a lot but we still socialized and at one point started working on our class assignments
together. Through our arguments and late night study sessions we got to know each other and appreciate our love-hate, mostly hate relationship. I realized he appeared as a prick to many people on campus, but beyond that he was a genuinely good person, ha.

Definitely a character I'll write about more about at a later time.

I remember he came to visit me when I lived out of state one summer. He was supposed to stay for a weekendor 2 days and wound up staying for 2 weeks. Simply because he didn't want to leave. This was when he started having feelings for me that ran deeper than friendship. That was an interesting patch to get over and I'm glad we did cuz he makes a helluva friend but from what I've seen, he's a crap boyfriend.

Writings in my head

The radio spoke to me today, here's what it said:

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Anna Nalick, 2 A.M.


Thoughts rushing in my head cause about 80% of my insomnia. When I heard this song play on the radio I thought of the nights I stay awake with my thoughts and how they go away when I write them down. Hence my sudden urge to post constantly.

Once again, I have failed to get myself to bed at a decent time. I will drink another Pepsi at work tomorrow for a caffeine boost, and this will give me a stomach ache.

Thanks, Continued.

Lavender and I have grown apart at times but we always find our way back. We've been friends for close to ten years! I had to add the exclamation because I just did the math in my head, I didn't think it had been that long. That must mean Sojourness and I have been friends for almost that long too. Wow. My girls.

Lavender's partly responsible for my navel piercing (we were both supposed to do it but she chickened out last minute, we were 16). We managed to watch American Pie at a movie theater despite being under 17 and unaccompanied by adults. I can't possibly remember all we talked about on the phone but I remember my ability to stay on the phone with her for hours. This despite talking to her all day between classes (and sometimes during). Gosh! I remember going to her house and getting on this thing called the Internet, lol. Oh and the first joys of the Internet of course were pornography! LOL. Innocently enough, we would not have thought to use it that way, but since that's all we heard was available online, Lavender and I decided to check it out. How fondly I remember when she pointed out to me that "come" was not misspelled on the website we were on.

While on topic of early Internet experiences, Sojourness was who went to the library with me and helped me sign up for my first email account. It was a big deal back then!(At least to me it was).I thought of what my_email_address@hotmail would be for days. And I actually remember consulting Lavender (on the phone, of course).

The best part of having friends for this long is the number of inside jokes you accumulate. Especially my favorite is when you forget some of them but when you get together one of you remembers and you get to relive those good memories together.

Okay, akaKevin is calling me, blogging to be continued (I don't believe in "Save as Draft).

Series: Thanks

I've been meaning to go into detail as to who I am thankful for. It's a list of about 5 people, and this has been narrowed down. I have more than five friends! But there are a few that stand out because I can call on them for any/everything. So in no particular order, I'll start with Lavender.

Her favorite color is purple, but that sounds too rough to describe her, so Lavender she shall be...

Okay, so it's late and I'm not going to finish this tonight, let me list out who I'll be covering in my series of Thanks.

Sojourness- this was a name I would've given myself had I had her vocabulary. Instead I am Nomad. I do not wander for food, but I do relocate due to my job.

Twin- she's the newest addition to my inner heart of friends. Definitely one of those people that make you wonder if you were separated at birth.

akaKevin- the friendship I've had to defend the most. We actually had a bad falling out that lasted close to a year. Many don't understand why we're friends, or why we're not more than friends. I could write my second book on this topic alone. (We all know the first book is on everything else- from failed relationships, crazy travel and living on my own).

Interestingly enough, I think I'm done with my list. I thought I would name more people than I have but I guess I'll start with the most intimate group and then work my way out.