back to my nerdy ways

Something I need to get out of the way: I just gotta say that I love the fact that I can wear jeans to work. Everyday.


I'm proud of myself. I did some GRE/GMAT prep work tonight. Even though my preliminary scores weren't what I expected, and are no way near where I want them to be, I'm gonna spin this as "I'm still happy for me." I've been talking about taking the test for way too long now, and as proven tonight, the longer I wait, the more certain that the circumference and circle area formulas become one in my head. So wish me well.

I also plan to have vocabulary flash cards to read on the train on my way to and from work.

my first disappointment

I had my first disappointment at my new job. It came last week at an after-work, after-hours event. I was sick that day, that week for the matter, but I made the conscious decision to go for a couple of reasons that I'll summarize as this: This job may not be as 'corporate'/stuffy/political as my last, but nonetheless there are still politics and ways of the work culture that i can observe/learn from/digest more when I'm socializing my co-workers out of the office. It doesn't hurt that when people are drunk (and I'm sober) they fess up to lots more stuff like "what companies do people go to after their run here is over?" Also, I realized that I have not attended any after work events, and since I'm still "the new girl", I don't want to come off as anti-social, even if I were.

I would like to interrupt all of this by saying that I got a PhD in Corporate Politics after two years at Fortune5.

As I was leaving, an inebriated higher-up pulled me aside and told me to let him know if "that LastName boy comes on too hard." At first, I was very confused as to what he was talking about, but minute I caught on, I purposefully maintained my confusion compure to let him know how ridiculous and unnecessary his comment was.

First of all, no one in the office refers to anyone by their last name. It's a casual, first-name basis type of environment. Higher-Up was referring to the office intern, who's younger than me (and hence the youngest person in the office). The fact that he didn't refer to the intern by first name, and not even by "intern", just rubbed me the wrong way. I shook my head at Higher-Up's suggestion of any trace of inappropriate behavior by LastName but thanked him for his concern.

Because this exchange can only get better, Higher Up then said something to the effect of, "We're from the same island so I know how the men can be." When he said that I couldn't hide the "excuse me?!" look from my face but then recovered to ask this White male about just exactly what island he was from (because being from an island myself, via my parents, if you wanna be technical, I could not fathom what island this man could be from. And yea, not to sound ignorant, I of all people should comment on people "looking" like they're from here or there, but still, it's my first reaction to this auburn haired man who looks like he burns in the sun very easily). Haiti, of course! Long story, but he lived there for over a decade, his parents or ancestry is not Haitian but he knows what the men of Hispaniola "are like."

I was already offended at his disregard for LastName, who has worked there a little longer than I have.

Then, I was offended at the thought that two young people from similar backgrounds (but only from a certain background!) can't be cordial without someone suspecting that foul play is going on. (Never mind that in the even that LastName and I did have something, it wouldn't be against policy cuz neither one of us reports to the other.) I couldn't shake the gut feeling that he would never go up to a female white co-worker and say "is that young white male I see you talking to, is he bothering you?"

To top it all off, his claim to know what island men "are like."

I have purposely avoided LastName for the past few days, I don't want to jeopardize him in any way, though he is doing nothing wrong. As far as Higher Up goes, I have my eyes open a little wider. Luckily, I had announced that I was leaving the party before we had this enlightening conversation so I was able to quickly remove myself from the conversation and clear my head on the train ride home. Now that it's out in writing, it's done. Not gonna let it get to me. I mean, if Higher Up has gotten to where he is carrying this ignorance with him, then there's no limit to what I can do with my heightened sense of awareness, intelligence, tact, and wit, right? (This is how I get through moments like these).

Housekeeping: Image credits to http://www.willmurai.com.

this cheered me up

I got an unexpected email today from a former manager of an internship I. He left the company we worked for sometime after my internship was over.

Hi [Cheeky],

Sorry for the extreme delay in accepting your invitation! I was just reviewing linked-in and saw it.

I see you've moved on from [Fortune5] to [ a new company] . Congratulations on what seems like a great move. I always knew you had the potential to move on from that crazy place!

All the best,
[Your Former Manager]

I don't need further validation on why I made the right decision in leaving (despite being asked by a current colleague if I had had a temporary brain aneurysm) but it was nice to find this in my inbox.

meet the parents, part deux

I spent maybe a good hour with Pretender's parents last week. Mostly with his dad. The picture is of the gift his parents gave me before I left their store. Can't say it's my style with the bedazzle-crazy neckline but I did wear it to work the next day. Partly cuz I uttered "Oh my gosh, I can wear this to work tomorrow," (I didn't know what else to say, but that seemed polite) but I also wore it because I can't remember when was the last time I ironed.

During our meeting his dad invited me to his home, asked me if I still remembered any of the phrases of his home-language and egged me on to greet his wife in a traditional kneel. (P's parents are not American). I was apprehensive about kneeling for the Mom because the last time I had done it, P and I were dating and it was my first time meeting the parents. I wasn't sure what exactly the kneeling meant not that I was not "part of the family." I could just imagine the angry call/text from P now that 1- I visited his dad, all while "unsupervised", 2- without telling him, and 3- that I had let his parents believe that we were back together or something to that effect.

After being assured that kneeling did not have anything to do with in-law relationships but was just a matter of respect for elders I interrupted the mom as she was about to hug me so I could kneel for her. I never completed my kneel. I was half-way into it, not one knee had touched the floor when she scooped me up mid-air into this tight hug, nearly knocking me down as she attempted to swing me around. She was a bit more than overjoyed to say the least, that I had remembered and/or that I had actually greeted her in her country's tradition. To the onlooker in the store who witnessed this hilarity of a moment ensue she quipped, "Thees is how you greet people in my country!"

It was fun catching up with the Dad, as I watched he and his wife interact, I thought (i should be ashamed to admit this) about how touching it would have been to actually have been a part of this family. And seeing their whole-hearted long lasting marriage, I wondered how Pretender got to be the way he is. Though later I thought that the apple did not fall far from the tree, at all. My thoughts quickly jumped back to his dad whispering "greet her with the tradition, she will love it." I was so set up! Earlier in our meeting, I also had a dialogue with the dad that left much to interpretation because of the language/accent barrier. The dad called himself "ambitious" when it came to me and who knows what. I smiled and shook my head because I think he was referring to the who "FFI" thing (see previous post).

I can just imagine the call that P got from his parents. Whatever his reaction was, I wanted to avoid hearing it so I very ingeniously found a way to change my number without really having to change my number. It's worked so far but it in no way feels like this chapter is over. I put a return address on the greeting card I sent his Dad. The boy is persistent, he gets it from his father.

the greatest lie ever told

What did i do on my day off last week? got some errands out of the way and --- let's cut to the chase. I visited Pretender's parents. I did this for a couple of reasons, some reasonable, some not so reasonable. I feel like telling this story like Gabriel Garcia Marquez did "A Chronicle of a Death Foretold", but don't have such literary skill.So you will just have to bare with sporadic thoughts that would be well connected had I thought out what I'm going to write.

When Pretender and I dated, his Dad really liked me. He even once sent me a Thank You card signed "F.F.I.", which he explained as "Future-Father-in-Law." It's safe to say that even though P and I are no longer, his Dad still has an affinity towards me. Or so I thought, but then not so much "or so I thought" because... you'll see.

Pretender called me on my birthday. And in the conversation he threw in unsolicited information about how his dad has always asked for me during all this time (we broke up Fall '03, didn't tell the parents for at least a month or two later). He said his dad wanted to see me and then something to the effect that the only way that this would happen would be if Pretender coordinated the effort. Being the manipulative control freak he volunteered that he would have to be present and coordinate this meeting to "control the situation". Me then being the sassy control freak that I am said that if he just gave me his father's business address I could meet his dad by "my damn self."

I just remembered having blogged about this, so yea, I found his dad's home address on the Thank You card and sent him a greeting card, including my cell. Long behold, his dad calls me the day after he received it. At 10am, just 5 hours after I had gone to bed after a night on the town.

P's Dad was very happy to have heard from me, said he was expecting Christmas cards every year and that he had always checked up on me via his son. Then came the real shocker, "I know you were in the South, but where are you now?" Say what? Am I completely imagining things or did Pretender not tell me a few weeks ago that his Dad wanted to see me now that I was back home. At the news of knowing that I'm now back in the city, his dad immediately invited me over to his house. His dad is such a sweet person, but I am in no way going to visit my ex's family in their own house. Any ex, let alone this one, especially since he has a "lady". I couldn't react quickly enough, it had just woken up and was running low on sleep. The best I could maneuver out of a soon-to-be awkward situation was by volunteering to visit the Dad at his business and say that I get too lost anytime I drive out to that other borough.

Can't say I was too mad at Pretender because of how little I expect from him. Nonetheless, I was still amused and bewildered at the lie. Did the Great Pretender really lie about his dad wanting to see me so he could take me to his dad, aka, make an excuse to pick me up from my house? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I won't. I've done that too many times before, I could not have picked a name for fitting for him: the Great Pretender.

why i live alone

My last rant post went on for too long so I'm just going to get to the various punch lines of the week.

Boy says this, completely unprovoked: You know I can tell that you put some thought into decorating (as he looks around my living room). But what are you trying to go for? I don't see a theme, there's like no cohesiveness.

Me, a few hours later when we were heading to go out to a club: Is that what you're wearing?I mean, I can see you put some effort into it, but I think you're outfit is lacking cohesiveness.

He takes pride in his wardrobe, I take pride in my apartment. We're even.

---
Boy: Your internet connection! How do you live like this? This is so inefficient and not productive.
Me: What?
Boy: I got kicked off online.
Me: I use my neighbor's signal, it's free. I usually have so many tabs open that I can continue reading even if I lose the signal for a few minutes.
..a day later...
Boy: I spent some time at an internet cafe doing some stuff I couldn't at your place since your umm, internet connection is so flaky.
Me: I said nothing. By now all attempts at comments that I thnk are said with the intention to get some rise out of me are ignored.

---
Boy: Who lives like this?
Me: There was life before a microwave, I just don't need one. Plus it helps me make sure I cook my own meals because I can't just buy ready to eat stuff.
Boy: I've always had a microwave.
Me: I didn't grow up with one. Haven't had one in over six months and I'm still here.
Boy: But heating things on the oven takes so long, it woul dbe more efficient and convenient to heat things up quickly in a microwave.
Me: I have an oven as well. I don't wait till I'm hungry to heat things, and you know, a stove a long time ago was used to prepare food. They still work.

---
Boy: Your bed is noisy. What is this? Are you a bed-wetter?
Me: It's a mattress protector, i've always had one. I like my mattress and it wasn't noisy till you pointed it out.
Boy: Hear this! (Rubs his hand over the mattress in an exaggerated and repetitive fashion to make a crinkly noise)
Me: I find you really annoying sometimes.

---
Moments before I pull my car over in front of Port Authority. Illegally may I add because it was a taxi-only designated area.
Boy: I've had fun, I don't want to go and would like to stay longer.
Me: Are you kidding me?! I can't stand here! GET OUT OF MY CAR!

i have my house back (complete entry / rant)

I have my apartment back after a week of having Girl and Boy visit. I'm still trying to make up my mind about how I feel about the entire situation. I do this while trying to keep an open mind and accept the fact that I can be difficult to live with and that my living alone for so long makes can make me easily irritable to having to share a space.

Actually, maybe this past week shouldn't count. I have a small one bedroom apartment, narrow kitchen, no dining room. So when both guests were here it's not like anyone could escape to have a moment alone, other than being in the bathroom. On one night that I came home I immediately started washing dishes. It was the only unoccupied space besides the bathroom, which cannot obviously be hogged because now there are two other people that may use it. Speaking of having other people use a bathroom. Does toilet paper have some type of medicinal use that I don't know about? I have no idea how a roll of TP disappeared in three days when only one of my guests was a female. I am not one of those people that audits other's use of my things but I couldn't not notice the sudden toilet paper shortage.

While on topic of what goes on in the bathroom. I made sure my space looked liveable before Girl and Boy visited. I didn't go as far as disinfecting the tub or anything but there wasn't any visible soap scum buildup nor were there numerous hairs in the tub or on the tile walls. On his last day here, Boy managed to leave hair in the tub for the second time. The first time it happened I didn't want to make a big deal out of it so I told him I knew he had been in my apt even though he left before I got home. I let him incorrectly guess what the tell-tale clue was and told him that I noticed a lot of his hair stuck on the tub drain. I didn't want to be too direct because I can sometimes be too direct without even trying, I thought I was subtle enough to drop a 'don't leave hair clogging the drain' clue.

... I'll finish this blog later. Too late to be writing, I'll be hurting at work tomorrow.
Oh, and I should write about receiving a gift from my the Pretender's parents.

I'm back, a day later and at 1am, urgh, when will I ever learn. Back to Boy.

The second time he left hair in the shower I could've said something but he was leaving that day and I didn't want to make a scene out of something that I could later see as trivial. It's not like we're the best of friends, he got on my nerves many times during his stay, but we still share the comradeship of having endured 2 years of Fortune 10 horror and then quitting at the same time.

I used the bathroom after he showered and I couldn't help but gawk at the bathtub floor. Not only was it unusually gross: dirty soap suds, black film, lots more hair; he walked away from it like he didn't walk into a clean looking white tub before his shower. I looked at myself in the mirror like my reflection would counsel me on what to do next. I could've just let it go and not create any awkward confrontation, or I could make a mental note of never to let Boy into my house again. I tried to reach some middle ground.

Me: Umm, what do you use to clean your bathtub?
Boy: Oh nothing special, I bleach it every now and then.
Me: Okay, cuz I'm not sure what to do about the bathtub now. (was it insane of me to think that this would've been a perfect time for him to volunteer cleaning up after himself?)
Boy: Yeah, I used your shampoo and it left all that behind.
Me: You used my shampoo? Which one? I use that shampoo specifically for my hair, your hair is straight, I have lots of other shampoos that you could've used.
Boy: I didn't think it'd do any harm. I figured it was specially made for curly hair when I saw the bottle. It's not like I'm gonna grow an afro for having used it.

my foil men

Just after midnight Sweetheart sent me a "Happy Valentine's Day" text.

The morning started with an IM from the Great Pretender, he wanted my work phone number. I shouldn't be so spiteful and get this much satisfaction from having brushed him off, but I am.

The night ended with a thoughtful e-card from Sweetheart.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have sent Pretender's dad a greeting card this week. I think it may have arrived today or yesterday, hence looked too much like a Valentine's thing. Imagine that, your ex-girlfriend sending your dad a valentine's card. It was actually a "Congratulations on your retirement and on starting your own business" card.

Pretender recently told me that his dad asked about me and wanted to see me. He asked if I'd be willing to see his dad and I said that I would. Pretender then offered to take me, (here is where the power struggle begins, the following ensued for a few minutes), I refused and asked him for his dad's business address so that I could go for myself. Pretender and said that he would have to be at this visit to "control the situation". I informed him that his dad and I actually had lots in common, he needs to get over himself, what does he think we're going to do? Talk about him? Please, don't make me pull something. He then let me believe that an address I had incorrectly remembered was where I could reach his dad. So I found an old greeting card his dad had sent me and voila.

Curiosity is not my friend, the wheels in my head are spinning and I may just answer Pretender maybe not the next time he contacts me but the time after that.
1- Does it look like I sent his dad a valentine? I cringe at the thought, a married man with 3 children, one of whom I dated!
2- How weird is it that I did that? Also, did his dad really ask about me recently and said he wanted to see me? cuz if he didn't ask, and Pretender just used that lie to make conversation and because he knows how close his dad and I were, his dad must think I am so crazy.
3- I completely brought this situation onto myself, didn't I? This is why my life is mine, who else would come up with such great material?

not so lonely

I am not a loner, I just get called that by people that I don't hang
out with (and maybe this is a lot of people, lol, I'm picky with my
friends?!). I am, however, very independent and this is not the same
thing. I live alone and have lived alone for nearly six years. I also
spend, what I guess is a lot of time alone?, and not just when I'm
driving.

I'm giving all of this thought because my friend's sister is spending
the weekend at my place (I offered, she didn't even have to ask. This
speaks volumes on how highly I regard my friend). If all goes well
with the interviews she's planning we will start looking for an
apartment together. My current 1br is digging into my budget, and
although I love my independence, and having my own place I think I may
just love a fatter budget to work with a little more. Well that, and I
just decided that I want to keep my car, even if I only do drive it on
the weekends.

She gets here tomorrow so you see, as always, my loner self has
company on Valentine's!

a case of the exes

Even when I'm single, I somehow manage to have a somewhat eventful, or at the very least an interesting Valentine's Day occurrence. Though Valentine's hasn't come yet, I have a feeling this year will prove to be no exception.

I have two exes to note: The Great Pretender, someone who I swore I had successfully cut off after a year of not returning any of his calls or texts. And then we have Sweetheart, who I keep in touch with and maybe am way too comfortable around considering he's now an ex, the most recent ex, and that our breakup was circumstantial above anything.

Pretender IM'ed me today, and I can cut through his b.s. and shenanigans better than anyone can imagine. He basically just wanted to know what I was doing for V-Day. He then told me that he wasn't doing anything cuz his "lady" lives in a different city than him. He's doing one of two things, both equally despicable- does he want me as a mistress or does he want to rub in that he has someone? "Urgh" and hilarity all at once.

Long story but I sent Pretender's dad a greeting card yesterday. He should be getting it tomorrow, and no it's not a Valentines day card. That would be so creepy. So because of this, I won't answering any texts, emails, or IM's from Pretender regarding this.

On the other side of the spectrum lies Sweetheart. He's a horrible secret-keeper. He let it slip by email (how do you let something slip in an email?!) that he was going to do something for me for the 14th. I think he may not do it now cuz he told me about it and it was supposed to be a surprise. But at the bare minimum I think he'll probably send me an extremely thoughtful e-card. His love for me is so crazy.

i work with Peter Pan

i went grocery shopping today, it was not planned and i forgot the extra plastic bags in my car. it is also freezing now, (bye bye ice cream truck), so i did not have the will to go out to the parking lot to reuse my plastic bags.

work today went well. put in my 8 hours and nothing extraordinary happened. i realized, again, that the guy whose job i'm taking over and who is supposed to be transitioning his old duties to me, has some 'areas for improvement' when it comes to teaching others. for future reference, i shall call him Peter Pan, cuz that is who he reminded me of when he first interviewed me. he must be very brilliant, which explains his lack of social grace. he has a way of answering difficult questions with an underlying tone of 'duh, well obviously'. he will not get to me.

fitting into the new gig

So I'm still very much digging the new scene at work. I mean just last week I wore my skinny jeans to work. Not that this means "bye-bye button down". I've accumulated too many of those during my Fortune 10 days to think to neglect 65% of my current wardrobe.

And I have finally gotten some more meaningful work to do. I can't believe how much of a worker bee I am, kinda gross, kinda not. It's just been frustrating to watch others do what I know I can do as well and be told to, "sit tight. once [they're] not busy [they'll] get to me".

Also, since this company isn't centered around IT, and since I'm in IT, like 90% of the office gets a higher salary than me. And it's not that it's about the money, but when I started to see this (I do the project financials for the entire office),urgh, it just irked me. Seriously, what are some of these people doing that I can't do? So if I'm underworked or overqualified or both for my current position, this does not mean that I am complaining or worrying. I was just making an observation.

I give myself six-eight months to get "promoted."

how old am i?

I almost backed out of it the gym i found cuz my friend wants to find something better. well guess what? i guess i'm gonna have to go at it alone. it's not a gym-gym per se. it's a recreational center and you pay for classes as you go and since it's run by the city parks dept it's a lot cheaper than say a NYSC.

I took an online quiz that's supposed to give you your "real age" and not just your calendar age. It told me that I was 30.5 instead of 25. This was for a couple of reasons:

1. i eat like zero vegetables so the vitamins i'm missing out on are gonna make me age quicker or something like that
2. i should consider getting a dog, people with pets blah blah younger or live longer
   
3. i should spend more time socializing with friends ( i can/should now that i live at home)
   
4. i'm not physically active enough (working on this...., was trying to combine it with #3)
   
5. moving to a new city and being unemployed and looking for a new job caused me lots of stress ( i didn't need an online anything to tell me this)

Saying that I'm 25 feels very weird. I never really thought this far ahead and now that I'm here it feels very far from where I've been so far but it's not that i feel old, i just feel like i should feel old. I guess this is what some call wisdom? :)

curry chicken and jasmine rice

who doesn't cook their lunch for next day at 1am? this would all be great except for the fact that i told myself i would be going to bed much earlier than what i already have. oh well!

good news: i found a gym to join. it's very close to where i work, so no more excuses! starting out small, just twice a week, and i've recruited a friend. now i just gotta update my iPod. on second thought, after hearing what's on the radio now, i'll just stick to my 90's R&B.

the ice cream truck

Feb 6, Brooklyn, NY, 7:30pm.

An ice cream truck passes me on my way home. And no, it's not running a light or speeding. It's strolling in the night under the elevated train because who wouldn't want ice cream on a night like today? 5o degrees F in February. I have got to do more than just reuse my plastic bags!

randomness

so how is it that all of a sudden i have nothing to write about. all day i have ideas and thoughts in my head and now that i sit down to write there is nothingness.

so...let me be a dork. what have i accomplished this week?

• made jasmine rice (but added too much water).

• ate vegetables! im getting better at it, i just put lots of pepper on them.

• ate some ice cream (this was supposed to get me to go to the gym. but urgh (what do y0u know, it's Thursday now. what happened to Gym Tuesdays Wednesdays
• blogged at a steady pace
• met new faces at work, will remember his and her name this time around
• made a tuna and egg salad sandwich - this was a first, resolution accomplished!
• read way too many blogs, could've definitely gotten myself a taebo tape by not
• have not ironed, will not iron
• finally uploaded some pictures from my camera to my PC
• have had breakfast every day this week
  

tick tock

how do i make the next fifty minutes go by quickly. i got into work
"late" this morning. i wanted to get in by 9:30. I failed and got in
at 10:06. work is still slow, i'm not complaining cuz i know this
will change once i become responsible for helping close the books at
the end of the month. in 8 hours i've done about 3 hours worth of
group, and since i probably underestimate mysef, i've probably done
about 4 hours worth of work?

sometimes i worry that ... let me stop, i worry too much.

defeated and without heat

i was about to go to bed with the satisfaction of knowing that i was once again living alone in my apartment. i hadn't seen any of those thigns since i last blogged about it. silly of me to think that i could so easily eradicate them. those SOB's can go three months without food and a year without water. and according to Kevin, they are not phased by being microwaved - his observation, not mine.

in other happy news, my apt building has no heat or hot water. my CO detector went off so i called the fire dept. my apt had a rating of 20, 30's lethal apparently. umm, i definitely should've called earlier, that damn noise went off for the first time last week. anyway, the boiler is broken and was leaking gas into my apt and into my neighbor's. i have no idea if she also has an alarm and was ignoring it or what. her rating was at 10, also not lethal but definitely above normal. so the fire dept shut off the boiler. luckily, i was able to 1- be alive, and 2- enjoy a decent hot shower with water in the pipes that had already been heated.

update on my resolutions

i just read another article on why exercising is good for you. Enough
already with the benefits of exercising. i know, you know, we all
know. how about someone writing an effective article on "how to
exercise when you don't feel like it and knowing that it's good for
you isn't enough motivation".

i think i said wednesdays are exercise day for me. we shall see.

i keep adding things to my to-do list of iife, even though i've yet to
scratch others off. My latest craze is that i want to take up sewing.

I've looked up sowing (or sewing?) classes, but just recently i've
started looking at blogs and will look to invest in some sowing books.
I don't intend to be some designer or make everything I wear. I simply
would like to tailor that almost perfect shirt that I see on sale but
is too wide or the pants with the too-big waist, the dresses with all
the extra ruffles (which i have already once done, but in an
unsophisticated manner).

How are my other resolutions?
<ul>
<li>Gym- this is a work in progress. I should just get some taebo
tapes and dark curtains so my neighbors can't see shadowboxing when
they walk by.
<li>COoking - so far, so good. I've made <i>new</i> dishes, but more
importantly, I'd like to move on and also make <b>good</b> dishes. But
new is good!
</ul>