why i live alone

My last rant post went on for too long so I'm just going to get to the various punch lines of the week.

Boy says this, completely unprovoked: You know I can tell that you put some thought into decorating (as he looks around my living room). But what are you trying to go for? I don't see a theme, there's like no cohesiveness.

Me, a few hours later when we were heading to go out to a club: Is that what you're wearing?I mean, I can see you put some effort into it, but I think you're outfit is lacking cohesiveness.

He takes pride in his wardrobe, I take pride in my apartment. We're even.

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Boy: Your internet connection! How do you live like this? This is so inefficient and not productive.
Me: What?
Boy: I got kicked off online.
Me: I use my neighbor's signal, it's free. I usually have so many tabs open that I can continue reading even if I lose the signal for a few minutes.
..a day later...
Boy: I spent some time at an internet cafe doing some stuff I couldn't at your place since your umm, internet connection is so flaky.
Me: I said nothing. By now all attempts at comments that I thnk are said with the intention to get some rise out of me are ignored.

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Boy: Who lives like this?
Me: There was life before a microwave, I just don't need one. Plus it helps me make sure I cook my own meals because I can't just buy ready to eat stuff.
Boy: I've always had a microwave.
Me: I didn't grow up with one. Haven't had one in over six months and I'm still here.
Boy: But heating things on the oven takes so long, it woul dbe more efficient and convenient to heat things up quickly in a microwave.
Me: I have an oven as well. I don't wait till I'm hungry to heat things, and you know, a stove a long time ago was used to prepare food. They still work.

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Boy: Your bed is noisy. What is this? Are you a bed-wetter?
Me: It's a mattress protector, i've always had one. I like my mattress and it wasn't noisy till you pointed it out.
Boy: Hear this! (Rubs his hand over the mattress in an exaggerated and repetitive fashion to make a crinkly noise)
Me: I find you really annoying sometimes.

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Moments before I pull my car over in front of Port Authority. Illegally may I add because it was a taxi-only designated area.
Boy: I've had fun, I don't want to go and would like to stay longer.
Me: Are you kidding me?! I can't stand here! GET OUT OF MY CAR!