a night with my aunt

I intended to come home and write some blogs since I haven't written in a long time and Sojourness told me she misses my writing. Instead, I stopped by my aunt's after work.

I am currently having a spat with Boyfriend, who is the cook in the relationship, hence I was hoping Aunt would feed me. We have a weird relationship now, at least from my perspective. When I was a child, I didn't think she was particulary fond of me. Now that we're all older, and her daughter turned into a spoiled brat, I think she appreciates my good manners. Oh and yes, she fed me. She also started giving me advice on life - unsolicited, of course, but amusing and I guess it is appreciated since she means well.

She surprised me when she reminded me that she is 62 years old. She looks 41 on a bad day. She hopes that I find a good man, like those men from back in the day. To paraphrase: if someone had bumped into me, David, oh what a handsome man he was. I wonder where he is now. David would've at the very least given that person an intimidating look to make sure that he or she knew that bumping me was not permissible.

She offered me wine with dinner. This was very unusual. We grew up with no alcohol in our house except for sips during Christimas time and New Year's. We certainly never brought it out to accompany dinnertime. "Aren't we classy,?" I quipped.

"Now Nomad, you know I'm no alcoholic. I dont drink it when I'm depressed. As a matter of fact, I avoid it if I feel bad because I don't want to become dependent on it. I am 62 years old, I know these things. Wine is good for my heart, it cuts fat. Would you like some? "

Yes, Auntie.

written on 8.25

u dont quite know till you got till it's gone...

i was talking to someone at work today and i couldnt help but notice his teeth. they were perfectly uniform in position, color, and size and above all i could tell that they were all his.

i thought it was just my imagination but then kevin confirmed that my front right tooth is a little darker now than the tooth to the left of it. it used to be the same color before i loosened it.

i have a mouth guard now. i styled my hair so it can now accommodate a helmet. i'm almost ready to start biking again.

talk about a monday pick-me-up.

i write, therefore i am

I haven't been writing lately because I don't want to think. Even though I run around all day with "stuff" to do, I feel like I don't get as much accomplished as do some of my friends (who volunteer, publish webzines, have cool hobbies, etc).

So what is there to think about?
1. Pending co-op purchase:

I am 30 days away from the "closing date" agreed to on the contract. I am anxious to get it all done. Too much of it will fall into place at the last minute and is dependent on other things happening (which I have been reassured will happen - that's the way Real Estate works). But still, to a control freak like me, I just don't want to think about it. I can't think about it because I technically can't do anything but wait.

I should be elated that I am about to buy property. This was on my list of things to get done by age 25. And I'm only 25 for about 11 more weeks. But still, no excitement here. Not until I move in and actually trying out the floor plans(S!) I already sketched out.

2. Job situation:

Yes, the honeymoon is over. I still like it, but am now asking myself, now what? The perks are nice but ehh, my day-to-day is not exactly exhilarating. The problem with realizing this is then having to come up with what really does thrill me. Correction, what thrills me and at what salary. Simple tasks at work, those that I know I'm capable of doing and over-doing, are draining for the simply reason of not feeling like it. Enough about this, it's draining me.

3. GMAT:

Though it hasn't gone as I originally intended, I have been on somewhat of an irregular schedule when it comes to prepping for the GMAT. I feel confident that I can score well on it, but then what? So for now, I go through math exercises in my spare time in hour chunks, and on the commute home but don't think too far ahead of what I'll do after taking the test.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself and should only take it one step at a time, but that's unlike me. So for now, I won't get ahead of myself, which means I won't write about it.

4. The elections. I am so anxious. Come on, America. Don't disappoint me!

what goes up...

I know it's supposed to be twenty years before I want to really worry about what's in my 401K, but if it goes down to zero before then, umm, that's a problem. Just look at it. That's it, after today, I'm not taking another peek. (But I did change where all my future contributions go)

my ideal job

My ideal job would be to get paid to just "be." But because this is unrealistic, I'll have to say that my ideal job would be to do something that doesn't feel like work. I should look to things I do naturally, or as a hobby, and see if I can find a way to do these.

Well, what did I do recently on a day off? Much to like what I do when I have free time.
Blogs: I've curbed this addiction. I'm down to a few that I think are of value to me.

• Afrobella - fashion, natural hair care, politics every now and then. I won free shampoo once in a give-a-way
• Sojourness - I like reading my friend's writings
  
• Apartment Therapy - I like to think that I have indispensable income and living space for decorative purposes
  
• A Belle in Brooklyn - a blog about love and relationships
  
• One, and when I'm weak, two trash gossip blogs

Craigslist: I have a small car but every now and then I think I may find something in the Free section that I somehow have lived without for too long and also fits into the backseat.

Hulu: Catch episodes of The Daily Show.

Any takers?

purge

I am completely restless at work because I'm still at work and thinking about purging. I don't have a lot of stuff (or maybe I do, and this in itself is the problem). Anyway, I don't have a lot of stuff but I know for a fact that I could have less.

I started of pile of stuff I don't need, want, or like anymore. So now I have a pile of stuff in the living room. I dare call this progress.

I'm planning to move into a smaller place, if all goes well, so this experiment is going to be really crucial to making my future studio liveable.

I went six months withouth shopping this year, remember that? I don't want to use Craigslist to get rid of my stuff because that's too much work once flakey people don't show as promised.

I have $60 dollars of unworn footwear. This irks me. I have another $80 worth of lightly used (once or twice) footwear. I am not rich. I want my $140 back.

I have unwanted Christmas gifts. Gift cards are a great gift idea, much underutilized.

Hmm, maybe I can give my shoes away as gifts this year? (The ones not worn, of course!) Though people will wonder why I'm giving them summer shoes in December. Now if I knew what to do with all the regular sized shampoo bottles in my bathroom.

the duel

I went to a dueling piano bar on Friday night. I was disappointed because the pianos did not "duel." I envisioned two men going back and forth trying to out-piano each other on each song. They simply played together at once, you know, like a duet.

Going to the piano bar was Lilac's idea. She came with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's best friend's ex-girlfriend. Yes, you heard right. The boyfriend (BF) has a best friend who recently broke up his girlfriend and she was there. I'll use her real name, Amy, since by the end of the night I didn't care much for her.

Lilac was polite and even friendly with Amy but I know her well enough that once we had a moment alone at the table I quickly whispered "Do you like her?" In true and dignified Lilac fashion she responded with "I wouldn't feel comfortable having them hang out on their own."

I knew it. There was just something a little too comfortable about how Amy approached BF. He, being male, was completely oblivious to the undertones, or at least ignored them. But I watched Amy watch BF and Lilac watch Amy.

At the end of the night Amy had to walk a few blocks to meet her ride home. Before taking off she asked, many times, whether or not it was safe for her to walk to that part of town. (It was). This was the best she could do to try to get BF to volunteer to walk her. Lilac and I caught on and stole glances at each other. BF made no such recommendation and we all quickly went our separate ways, with BF and Lilac as one. The duel was over.

go read

Read the following two excerpts, they don't spoil anything.

"She stood there until something fell off the shelf inside her. Then she went inside there to see what it was. It was her image of [him] tumbled down and shattered."

"In the cool of the afternoon the fiend from hell specially sent to lovers arrived at [her] ear. Doubt. All the fears that circumstance could provide and the heart feel, attacked her on every side."

Doesn't that make you want to go read "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by Zora Neale Hurston?

My library card at work

I'm not the most literary person I know but I'm also not illiterate. At the beginning of the year there were a lot of things I said I wanted to do this year. One of the few things that I did do, and have been doing is reading more: at least one new book a month - accomplished.

I sometimes wonder why I read so much, I'm entertained at the moment. But like with movie-watching, have I read something that stays with me forever? Not really. Or not that I can easily recall. Sometimes after reading a book, I only have one impression of it.

I'll call this my "review" of books read thus far this year, somewhat in the order that I've read them.

"The Brooklyn Follies" - The family was quirky and dysfunctional. Almost too real to be fiction.

"The Autobiography of Malcolm X" - Humbled by how much I did not know about him. I cried towards the end when I realized the book was going to reach the point when he was going to be assassinated. Sad to read it today and think that it could have been written yesterday when I walk around certain parts of Brooklyn.

"The Outsiders" - I read it because I thought it would be great. It was good, I guess. I just remember funny names and that I liked the poem interpretation at the end. But then again, I couldn't interpret it for myself.

"A Long Walk to Freedom" - How inadequate am I. I could definitely be doing more with my life.

"She's Come Undone" - Wow, so this wasn't a funny book. I needed to read a funny book after the Mandela read and picked this by mistake. I was disturbed. I don't care if I spoil it, don't read it. The main character gets sexually assaulted at 12, I don't know why I kept reading it after that.

"The Bride Price" - The duality of Christianity and the local African religions hit close to home. Crazy because I'm more than a few generations removed from the Mother Continent, but it reminds me of what I saw day-to-day growing up.

"The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific" - I was using the bathroom and stopped to look at how much toilet paper I was using. I didn't take it for granted. If I had been living in Kiribati, I would not have had the luxury. I have no idea why the book has its title.

"Little Earthquakes" - I do not want to have children, especially an infant. If i can have my own child naturally, with no pain, and starting at age 5, I'll reconsider.

"Of Love and Other Demons" - this is the second book by GGM that makes me wonder exactly how fascinated he is by affairs between very young girls and old men.

"Interpreter of Maladies" - I read most of the short stories, more to pass the time than because I was interested. I pretended to be reading it so I could ignore a hyperactive kid on the subway. I can now define "malady" and will try to use it in Scrabble.

u dont quite know till you got till it's gone...

i was talking to someone at work today and i couldnt help but notice his teeth. they were perfectly uniform in position, color, and size and above all i could tell that they were all his.

i thought it was just my imagination but then kevin confirmed that my front right tooth is a little darker now than the tooth to the left

of it. it used to be the same color before i loosened it.

i have a mouth guard now. i styled my hair so it can now accomodate a helmet. i'm almost ready to start biking again.

talk about a monday pick-me-up.

Thanksgiving

1. I didn't have a concussion.
2. I have dental insurance. Which means my bill will only be $1,500.
3. I didn't require stitches.
4. All the bruises and scabs on my face healed flawlessly.
5. Most can't tell that I have a new tooth. Except for my cousin who when I smiled laughed at me and said, "Why'd they give you a white one?"
6. I didn't break any bones (do teeth count as bone?)
7. I got to take off work for two days.
8. I am now the office poster child for wearing a helmet.
9. I know now that I should wear a mouth guard because I am now paranoid that I am going to randomly fall (down the stairs) and chip more teeth.
10. Kevin nursed me back to "health" and was clever/conniving/immoral enough to have me give a fake name and SSN at the ER so that I wouldn't get a $300 bill later.

i'm okay

Smart people sometimes do very not so smart things. I should be happy to be well but apparently, I'm starting to think I'm too vain to realize my good fortune.

I was biking to the park last night to catch a free concert. Kevin told me to go ahead, he would catch up with me later on Bedford Avenue. This he did, because after I fell off my bike, I waited for him on the corner of Bedford and Empire Blvd.

I had just eyed the sidewalk. There was no bike lane where I was riding and the flow of traffic ahead worried me. In my head I heard Kevin's instructional voice telling me how not to 'take the sidewalk', else I'd "bust my ass". I didn't bust my ass. But I did bust my face and three teeth. Two days ago I was describing my summer as relatively uneventful - I wanted to do something exciting, I said!

The ER:
After our walk home, we called an emergency RN line (thank you health insurance). The RN didn't think I had a concussion ( I didn't either, I hit my face, not my head). However, she suggested I go to an "Urgent Care" facility. Her system didn't list any in Brooklyn (umm, yeah, thank you System). I didn't want to drive to the hospital so Kevin offered to drive but I refused after remembering the first driving lesson he's had from me.

The ER is an interesting place.

When I checked in the attendant asked me if I had been assaulted.
"No. I fell off a bike."
"Oh, a motorcycle accident."
"No. A bicycle."
"Oh. Okay," he smiled.

I was bed Eleven. Bed Ten's guest snorted drugs, I'm sure of it. Bed Nine spent two hours on the phone calling his family to tell them that he was okay; he got madder with each phone call he had to make to his worried family. There was a person handcuffed to the bed in the trauma room that occasionally yelled out things such as:

• "Are yoooouuuu trying to kill meeee?"
• "I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyyy"
• "I want foooood"
• " I ammmmm hungryyyyyy"

I was lectured on not having had a helmet because I obviously needed the obvious stated. How lucky was I to not have a major head injury. I just needed a tetanus shot, some antiobiotic ointment, and a visit to the dentist ASAP.

I chipped off more than half of tooth #7. I fractured tooth #8. I have a small chip on tooth#9. I know the terminology because the dentist that saw me this morning gave me a new tooth #7.

I wasn't on the ground long after the fall before I shot up and brushed myself off. I barely remember it because it happened so fast- I didn't even have time to break it using my arms or hand. My face hit the ground and I thought "Get up. You're on a busy street. How embarrasing"

Injury inventory:

• glasses not really broken - heavily scratched right lens; will now wear my contacts
  
• cut above my right eyebrow (it is now bandaged, which probably makes it look worse)
• large purple scrape under my right eye (also bandaged)
• cut on the outside of my right nostril (Rudolph-like but no bandage necessary)
• scrape on my front nose center
• minor red scrape between my nose and right lip
• (all of the above was summarized as face trauman in the ER report)
• minor cuts on my right foot
• two right knee scrapes
• large bruise on my right calf

So there you have it. And what was my main concern when I got up and waited for Kevin to catch up with me?

• Did I lose my front tooth? I've always been proud of my smile - never needed braces, au natural and now I'm missing a tooth.
• This was not supposed to happen. I just wanted to go to the concert.
• My face - am I going to have bruising for the rest of my life to remind me of that idiot move I made that one time I was 25 and had just learned to ride a bike 5 weeks prior.
• How much is this going to cost if I go to an ER? I guess I'm dipping into my down payment stash. No more property for me this year.
• Anger. Stupid stupid Cheeky. I took to the sidewalk doing everything wrong, all of which I knew was wrong in my head, but mechanically I couldn't just get to work.
• I fell. Did I just fall?
• Am I bleeding?
• No one stopped to help so I must look okay. That or this is Brooklyn. ha.

hiatus over

I haven't been writing not because I'm down or anything, but because I've been busy. Poor excuse, i know.

I spend 99.9% of my free time with Kevin and he doesn't know I have a blog (partly because I don't want him to read what I write about him) . So I've had all these thoughts I wanted to write down but never got around to them and now I can't remember them.

Summer, please don't leave me. August is here and it's hard to believe. I've been biking somewhat regularly. I managed to not run anyone off the Brooklyn Bridge last week. I'm going to continue bike riding until it's too cold to want to leave the house. Hopefully this will mean through the end of October.

I've come to the realization that I will not use the gym membership I bought. I should've just learned to bike ride earlier. Like say, 20 years ago.

Things to come:
6 months at my new job, where do I stand? (hint hint: trying to not let my knees buckle)
I broke my vow and traveled to Texas.
Read a book that changed my mind about bearing children.
Have read books this month that have made me pose some interesting questions like, could I get away with using less toilet paper?

Me visually

my brown bag

I looked at the chicken parmesan in the fridge from the night before. It was in a Ziploc; just before I put it in my tote I saw there was another portion in a Tupperware container. I debated which one to pack but then remembered that I left my Tupperware at work the day before, it was only fair that I now have to take my lunch to work in a plastic bag.

As I made my second attempt to rush out the door he asked if I remembered my lunch. Did I pack the right lunch? How do you know which one is mine, I asked, expecting a smart response about having forgotten my Tupperware at work. "I put extra sauce in yours. You like sauce, right," he half-stated half-asked, but it was more a statement because he was right.

I rushed out of the door for the third and final time with the correct lunch.

look Ma...no hands!

I was so preoccupied with so many thoughts that I disregarded most of what Kevin was telling me and before I knew it, his hand wasn't on my back and I was still going. I started yelling at him to hold me but he refused and told me to pedal faster.

I finally learned to ride a bike today! In part, it was due to this article that Kev forwarded me about adults bike-riding for the first time. After reading the article, I realized how young 25 really is.

I can't find the link to my 101 list right now, but this was something that was on it. So I feel very accomplished. Though I am very wobbly at time. I can't turn to the left but I can take a mean curb and avoid incoming taxis well.

the ban has been lifted

After a little over six months, my retail fast ended on June 27, 2008 at H&M.

• Clothes & Accessories :$31.70 (Two tank tops, one shirt: Me, forever the bargain-shopper)
  

I could have gone longer without shopping, but it was the time to start. I should have started with what was on my list, a new pair of everyday black flats, but quickly fell into the old habit of getting something at the bottom of my list.

I've been reading more in the past few months, and so when I was in line waiting for a fitting-room I grew impatient l because I didn't have anything to read and thought that I at least could have been reading "A Long Walk to Freedom." (Tangent: I feel people stare at me on the train when they see the book. I obscure the cover with a postcard when I read it now to detract attention. Though I wonder if because people are wondering if I'm reading the Bible or something. The book is huge)

alive

i kayaked today. i lied at the signup place and said that i did know how to swim. it really wasn't my idea. kevin peer-pressured me. besides, he assured me that would not let me drown-1, and that i would be wearing a life vest tightened by him-2.

safe to say that i trusted him with my life and lived to tell about it.

i decided it was in my best interest to go commando after rinsing off the river water. the lower half portion of my body had gotten wet and i don't ever feel like growing a second V- this was the hudson river I had just kayaked.

it's pouring

so relatively speaking things had been going well over the first couple of months of the year. there was a correlation between this and my regular writing.

i've been in a slump lately, when this happens i dont eat much, and when i do eat it's not the most healthy. i'm back to reading on the subway on my commute to and from work. for a while i wasn't even doing this because i would just be too bogged down by what i was thinking to pull myself away into my book. I'm reading A Long Walk to Freedom. There are so many names so it's hard to follow them when they reappear pages later. There's so much history per page, I feel like I should be taking notes, I also wish there was a timeline along the margins of the pages because I forget what year the events I'm reading happened in.

Right now I'm up to 1960...Reading a book about such a grand figure can make one feel so inadequate. I can't imagine meeting him. Hi, you liberated your country. I, I once painted a fence at a community center.

I could write about what's going on at work for pages but what it basically sums up to is that maybe l've strayed too far from something that I know I can do well. I'm basically in Finance now, I just happen to be under the Project Management/IT team.

I worked from 930 to 1030 on monday and from 9 to 1030 on Tuesday. Yesterday and today were slow. Tomorrow will hopefully be quiet as well. We have summer hours so I hope to be able to leave by 2. Last week I was in the office till 6 on Friday, it was me and like three other people.

who's who?

i'm hard to keep track of lately. with all the twists and turns to the twists and turns, some villains have become heroes while other heroes have taken on a lesser role.
wo days of no computer use. i could've gone two or three more days.

i'm fine. i worked twelve hours today so this is all fo rnow. just wanted to update my status from 'shamed, angry, and whatever' to 'happy but tired'

life, stop laughing at me

I've had a helluva day. I was gonna get home and pour my soul into writing. I got home and turned on my laptop to start writing but I have to go now. My charger is at my friend's house. I decided today that I will not speak to him for 21 days. That's how long someone told me it takes to break a bad habit. don't have another my laptop charger. I am on a budget because recently my job security was questioned so I make no plans to buy a laptop charger. In anger and hurt and shame and other emotions, I left my copy of my friend's keys on table this morning. I can't even sneak into his house for my charger. I hope I packed it in my bag. But my bag is in my car. And my car is parked on his street. I have to go get my car before Friday morning, that's when it'll be on the wrong side of the street for alternate-side cleaning rules.

Pen and paper it is.

what a day

I spent the day alone today. I didn't want to but plans fell through with whom I was supposed to spend the day with. Everyone else already seemed to have plans. I thought way too much about things I didn't want to think about. I wanted to distract myself from recent happenings. I wasn't a complete failure though.

I got an unexpected phone call from a cousin I've never met. She is on my father's side of the family (you know, that man I met when I was 19 and half his family, including his two children, didn't know that I existed). She wanted me to be part of the online family tree album she's putting together. I guess we've now made tentative plans to meet as well. She told me that when she was 9 she remembered holding me and that I was cranky because I had been sleeping. (Oh how some things never change). She really wanted to see a picture of what now I look like. She also wanted me to see pics of the rest of the family. I learned today my father is one of ten children. I had no idea of this. I thought my mother being one of five was big.

I went through the photo album and felt very disconnected (despite the kindness
and welcome gesture from my mystery cousin). Not only do I not resemble anyone in the pictures that I saw, but everything about them was new, the names and faces, where they lived, how they were related to each other.

And yes, this heavy topic was the distraction to the rest of the stuff I didn't want to dwell on today.

I had three bowls of cereal with milk today: breakfast, lunch, and dinner; different cereals at each meal too. Exhausted my supply of cranberry juice. Swept but didn't complete the task by using the dustpan and putting the dirt into the trash. Listened to the same three songs on repeat for close to 90 minutes. But by far, my biggest accomplishment today was making a temporary jewelry board. I swear that the satisfaction of a DIY project can cure anything, for a little while at least.

The jewelry board is to replace the two jewelry boxes I made earlier this year. This mock-up is a draft of what I'll have once I get some cork board, fabric, fancy ribbons and maybe quilt pins. Right now, I have made use of a box I never got around to throwing out, ribbon, nails and thumbtacks to lay out my vision. (It's a combination of various links I found online, here, here, and there.)

i can't get out

This morning I woke up with two errands I wanted to complete before catching the 9:08 or 9:18AM train: move car to other side of the street, pay library fine.

I was on track to get everything done when I walked to my door to open it. Weird, Overnight Guest must've locked the deadbolt. I told her I never lock it. I'll just unlock it and let myself out. Wrong. The door was unlocked. It just refused to open. Why am I locked in my apartment?

After fiddling with the door many times, I realized that my action of turning the knob did nothing. I wasn't terrified of being locked inside my apartment as much as I was of realizing that the only way out was through the fire escape. I have an unhealthy and unsubstantiated fear of fire escapes. The thought of one giving away as I step onto it, or me losing my balance and dying on the street frequents my mind. I didn't think I was panicking until I realized that by the time this thought had left my mind I was sweating.

I started banging on all of my walls to get any neighbors' attention. I didn't want to alarm my neighbors so much that they'd ignore it and pretend to hear nothing. So I moved around my apartment and would start to bang on a wall then stop. Move to another wall. Back to my door. Finally, next door neighbor came out to find out what was going on. She was kind enough to try to synchronize turning the knob with me, though that didn't work. She offered to call the police, which I opposed for many reasons I won't get into. Finally, she went downstairs to tell those neighbors to expect me coming into their apartments through their window.

I didn't look down and after I realized that I had reached down one flight without dying, my fear of fire escapes started to disappear. However, the 2nd floor neighbors were not answering my knocks on the window so now I had to climb down yet another flight of fire escape stairs.

The first floor neighbor, who was half asleep and answered in his boxers and only his boxers, did not seem alarmed as he walked from the kitchen window to the door to let me out. I had to squeeze in through the window, which he made no motion to open wider when I told him I needed to get in. I got stuck going through, so with half my body dangling by his sink I maneuvered a motion that would allow me to open the window wider (I had to climb up awkwardly into it) without dropping my car keys or tote.

I did not make the 9:18AM train.

Ironically, look at what happened to me almost exactly a year ago!

the suitcase

My mom came into town last night.

im lifting her heavy ass carry on up the stairs wondering what the hell she packed. it's a small bag so it's true weight is deceptive
she starts unpacking in the kitchen and i think she just wants to get her night stuff ready to get to bed. she pulls out sunny delight, kool-aid mix, two cans of the tall arizona iced teas, sweet bread (which is my favorite and i always try to not eat in one sitting), tapioca pudding snacks, a can of tuna, chocolate milk mix, evaporated milk (which she tells me, "you know what you do, you can add water and now it's like regular milk," i simply look at her and don't say anything about this last comment), and a small can of those vienna type chicken sausages.

she also brings me astringent- you want some? a shirt, which i'll wear today. 2 pairs of flip flops with animal print bottoms- im not going outside in those. before i think to tell her that im too old and maybe i dont drink chocolate milk anymore, i can drink milk whole, she gives me a Mickey Mouse underwear pack, which I of course wear one to bed because i have a soft spot for Mickey.

i did it

I joined the gym! Now I just have to go. Baby steps.

I'm beginning a new apt hunt after this weekend. I'm trying to not be discouraged over shady real estate brokers.


I tried unclogging my bathtub using natural products: baking soda and vinegar. It worked for a day but the damage was too advanced. I gave in and bought "Drano." I feel like this sets me back even though I've been good about bringing my own bags to the grocery store. I'm going to start doing the vinegar and baking soda mix monthly or every other month as a preventive measure.

I took off Monday and Tuesday of next week. Going to have a mini-vacation, well not really, a mini-family reunion. Let's see how that goes.

all is now well on the western front

i surprise myself

Every now and then I want to slap myself. I know better, I really do, but I don't always do better.

It's always a very humbling experience to fall flat on your face because you have momentary lapses (sometimes for even a weekend at a time) of judgment and decision-making.

When I dig a hole, I apparently like to dig a deep one.I was refraining from calling myself stupid, but I can't help it sometimes.

I hope to get my brain back in a few days.

hold on now

The shady broker just contacted me and said to "stay put" and not cancel anything with my attorney. It looks like there is something not so easy about the other bid's loan. We shall see.

grrrr

They went with the other offer and will keep me as a backup. Whatever. I was up last night looking at other properties, just in case, so plan B is forthcoming this weekend.

Real estate in nyc is an ugly beast. I made an offer on an apartment and it was accepted. Since the offer was accepted, I did all of the following:

1- Got an inspection
2- Hired an attorney (who by the way, his fee is two times my monthly rent)
3- Locked a rate on my mortgage (this by the way has involved a lot of paperwork, some of which is not even completed)
4- Stopped property hunting

I spent two hours reviewing the contract with my attorney. The seller's attorney, Mr. I Don't Use Email in 2008, neglected to fill out the contract in completion. One thing that was not included in the contract paperwork were the building financial reports, "Offering Plan", oh, and the correct spelling of my name, of course.

The seller's broker has the Offering Plan and two year's worth of financial statements but is withholding it until she receives my signed contract? This may not sound alarming until you realize what an Offering Plan is. It is a legal document "provides full disclosure of all relevant information regarding the property." In other words, she thought my attorney would agree to sending over my executed contract without fully disclosing "all relevant information ", you know, little things like, is the architecture of the building sound.

The seller's broker, also informed me that I would have to give in a new offer because there were two new offers on the apartment, higher than mine, and that the seller wants to do a "Best and Final Offer (BAFO)." This was all amazing news to me because you know, since my offer had been accepted, and the broker had assured me many times that they wanted to complete the deal with me, and kept hassling me about when the contract would be signed, (I had to remind them that Mr. No Email practically sent my attorney a blank document to sign), I had to wonder if these other two offers really existed.

I really didn't know what was going on, but I thought something isn't right. My gut told me that she was just trying to get me to bid higher on the apartment. After consulting my attorney and my loan officer (who is also one of my bestest friends in the world, Kevin), they both concluded based on their experience that the broker is trying to turn this into a shady deal at a profit to her.

This week's motto is "Don't fuck with me. And don't fuck with my money." I signed the contract so my attorney can turn it in as soon as he's able to review the Offering Plan. I did not raise my bid. My attorney called Mr. No Email to inform him of how his broker's blatant withholding of information was preventing a deal from being finalized. I hope to know by tomorrow if my second offer was also accepted.

101 things

Sojourness passed along this great idea to me. I haven't quite made it to 101, but the following 18 are keeping me busy thus far.

1. learn to swim
2. ride bike
3. grad school entrance exam - study, take it, score at 85% +
4. learn to sow
5. make a skirt or a tote
6. fix all the clothes in my closet with holes and such
7. learn to put on eyeshadow
8. learn to cook ten more dishes
9. buy property
10. scan all non digital pics
11. grow my hair
12. get a proper curly hair layered haircut
13. get my eyebrows done regularly
14. read more books, one book a month,depending on length
15. go to gym three times a week
16. eat more vegetables, start with two servings daily
17. blog regularly
18. volunteer

funny little thing

Sweetheart and I are on good terms post breakup. It has been a while since we've stopped speaking or have gotten angry at each other ---both are very good things. Today I saw , for the first time, a childhood picture of his which he posted online. He looks to be about four years old but the look captured is the same as one that he still does to this day. When you catch him off guard he displays confusion with a certain frown and hangs his mouth slightly ajar. Needless to say, the picture is absolutely adorable. The picture is so adorable that for the first ten minutes after seeing it, I wondered if he and I could work out after all, because I think we could make beautiful children together;I want a little boy that looks just like the 4 year old in the picture.

i'm being a vegetable today. this is what i completed this week when i wasn't being a vegetable.

I've made it my personal project to spruce up Kevin's studio at any chance I get. He's given me the green light after I surprised him with the makeover that he really wound up liking. I've been on the lookout for chairs for his "dining room." Being on a budget of zero dollars made this a task that would not be completed overnight.

Last weekend, Kevin was in my car when I abruptly stopped and told him to get out. I had spotted two chairs on the curb for garbage pickup. They looked like they could use some TLC (new cushions, and lots of elbow grease). Though we have yet to actually fasten the chair cushion to the chair, we're quite proud of the finished product. Total cost: $10 for fabric. We used an old pillow for the cushions, and he already had a staple gun.

I also started and finished the Autobiography of Malcolm X. What an amazing book. I'm ashamed to admit how little, nearly nothing, I knew about Malcolm X. I've never even seen the movie - this is soon to change.

As I got near the end of the book, knowing he was about to be assassinated, I couldn't help but tear up at the betrayal about to occur. It also saddened me because I thought of what more he could have accomplished with his post-pilgrimage message, had he lived longer. I spent some time on Youtube after finishing the book, listening to him speak.

I found a picture of his "conk" and "Red" days.

And for the last unrelated topic: property ownership. I have a lawyer, an inspector, and an accepted offer on a 1br co-op apartment in Brooklyn. I also have occasional cold feet on signing the contract. The inspection is scheduled for 4 days from now, so let's see what develops. Hopefully nothing will and we can proceed with paperwork. I am sometimes in awe that this is really happening. Less than six months ago, I was unemployed and crashing in Kevin's studio with Kevin and his brother. Cozy. Crazy.

the Cat

I was enjoying the free snacks at work when I heard the Girl with the Accent comment to the Pregnant Woman at work, "You look really nice. You have a glow to you."

"Really? That's strange because I've been under the weather lately."

"Oh no. What's wrong. Are you feeling sick?"

Pregnant then starts weeping, "My cat died this week."

At this point, I find this a bit comical. Don't ask me why. Maybe it's because cliches said in an accent are amusing. But then it gets better. Accent presses on, "No! What happened?"

Pregnant is now near sobs and starts to tell that her cat jumped out of the window. SHe had only cracked the window a little but long behold, the cat found its way out. And then there was a thud.

Accent is sympathetic and starts to telling her the cat was her friend and has to be grieved. At this same time, HR lady walks in and quickly looks concerned as to why there is a pregnant woman sobbing in the kitchen. As she walks over to touch Pregnant's shoulder, she looks to me for an answer. I mouth "cat" and she gives me a look of disbelief. Clearly, she's also amused but being in HR I quickly realize she's going to handle the situation in the way a trained professional way.

HR then states. "Oh Honey, I'm sorry. Is there anything that I can do?" Pregnant shakes her head as more tears fill overwhelm her eyelids.

And oh boy, HR then continues, "My friend's cat just had a litter. SHe has too many cats. Tons of them. I can get you a cat. You want a new cat? No? Are you sure? It's free. You don't have to pay anything."

During this exchange between she and Pregnant, HR has caught my gaze and can see that I'm trying not to laugh as I continue to snack away. I can now tell that she wants to laugh too and was looking for support from the kitchen crowd.

I may be unintentionally mean by finding all this hysterical, but I'm not as cold-hearted as to laugh at a crying pregnant woman's death of a cat by suicide. Before my actions turn really insensitive, I make a dash for the door as if I just realized that I'm late to some meeting. HR quickly follows my lead and trails behind me. "You cold-hearted b*tch", I hear her whisper behind me. Once she's caught up to me, we're far from the scene of the crime and I can finally let out a giggle. She joins me in laughter. "What is wrong with you?"

"Me? Oh, excuse me. Do you want a new cat to replace your pain? It's free. Come on, because that was so sensitive!. She obviously thinks a lot of her cat. You can't treat it like an object that can be replaced."

"Really?" HR's serious tone would almost make you believe that she wasn't smiling at the time she said this.

"You wanna hear what else?", I continue, "Her cat jumped out of the window."

"Stop lying!"

"Her cat jumped out of the window. Thud."


This refreshed my day. With all the serious moments I've had this past month about death I got to laugh at it today. Sorry, Cat.

look Ma... no hands!

I am twenty-five years old and cannot ride a bike. Never learned to. Don't even recall ever being on a bike with training wheels even. I think my first time on a bike was on an exercise bike in college. My mom (rightfully so is what I can now admit) never let me hang out with the "up to no good" kids on the block.

This was my secret for a long time. Then I slowly started telling a few people here or there who I thought maybe wouldn't laugh at me. Most times I was successful. I even told Kevin who has a knack for brutally laughing at my expense, at all times.

I can't ride just yet but I did have my first bike ride ever last night. After weeks of harrassment, I finally gave into letting Kevin give me a lesson but on my terms. Late at night with no one around on a desolate street. I didn't think Kevin would find such a street in Brooklyn but long behold, he did.

A police patrol was nice enough to stop us and ask if we were okay. Gotta love the NYPD. We were in Crown Heights, I guess I should just be happy that they didn't shoot us. I was so embarrassed, got over it, and unsuccessfully tried to both pedal and keep my balance at the same time.

I hit one parked car after the very first time I actually rode the bike in a steady line. Kevin yelling out "Yeah, Nomad. Go Nomad! Look at you! You're doing it!" broke my concentration. I saw the SUV and at my speed, I'm sure it saw me but I didn't know how to stop. We didn't get to that part of the lesson till later.

a day like every other

"Would you be interested in coming to a Black Panther meeting?"

I shook my head, "No."
(Wait, did I not say "No, thank you"? Where are my manners! Anyway...)

"Do you know what the Black Panthers represent?"

I nodded.

"May I ask why you won't come?"

"Not interested."

"Okay, I respect that my Sister. Have a good day."

I smiled, and bowed my head. "Thank you. You too."

Just another day of waiting for the train during Monday morning rush hour. I fuc|(ing love this fuc|(ing city.

what to do?

I was in a predicament yesterday that I hadn't found myself in for a while: I was bored, 5PM. Gorgeous day in NYC and I'm sitting in my apartment with a loss of what to do next.

I've stopped property hunting weekends because I've made an offer on a place and am hoping that goes through, so no more of that.

I took a 4hr nap on Friday as soon as I got home. If you want to be technical about it, the nap started on the subway ride home. So no more of that was necessary.

I did not want to read in my apartment and the fire escape is out of the question because I don't trust those things. Plus, I kinda live in the hood and I didn't want to be a 'hey ma' target for anyone walking by.

Taxes are in. Did not need to file an extension so kudos to me.

I did not have a to-do list! So it turns out I don't know how to put one foot in front of the next without this. How sad.

I wound up taking the train to Manhattan since I didn't think driving in would be a stress-free situation plus I decided to go to two very high traffic locations to get two small errands out of the way.

I went to Whole Foods for the first time and chose the Union Square location for the debut. If I ever wanted to appreciate being in my quiet 1br in Brooklyn 30 minutes earlier, stepping on yuppies' flip flops when trying to move forward made me do that. Nonetheless, I got the new hair product I'm going to start using daily.

I then went to 34th St. to drop in on "Jack's World." Jack's is a huge discount store behind Manhattan Mall that has one floor dedicated to dollar items. I was unsuccessful in sticking to the loose list in m head of just some hair and cleaning products. I strayed and bought $3 of cheap cosmetics only to come home and realize that I have no idea what to do with eye shadow.

where's cheeky?

The first time this happened to me at work this was not a big deal, kind of a predictable outfit.













A few weeks later I thought I'd try something similiar but spiced up a bit it up without the use of an iron or an addition to my closet. I can't wear the black slacks again until I iron them. And oooh, let me add some color. Green, perhaps? White or red would be too predictable. The result was as follows:

i know i'm getting old when i see little kids on the street act a fool and i wanna smack them. and by little kids i mean anyone under the age of 21 (and i'm 25)

the irony

So I came home to some hard news. My friend's brother passed away. He's the same optimistic friend I wrote about a few weeks ago when his brother first went into a coma. Today is also the birthday of one of my close girl friends.

at least the smoke detector didn't go off

I made mozzarella sticks for the first time today. What a disaster. I can't bring myself to just throw away food, especially because I know there are way too many hungry people in the world (though they would've probably just been happy with the cheese as-is minus the breadcrumb and egg mixture intricacy). So I ate some, threw away the pieces that got stuck to the paper towel( I shouldve used wax paper like it said in the directions), and saved the rest for a rainy and very hungry day.

the joke's on me

Short version: I have keys to Kevin's studio. He was out of town for a week. So I let myself in and rearranged all his furntiture.

Kevin and I have a great hate/love/hate relationship. He's the male friend who everyone think I'll end up with only because they don't know any better. We work as friends but not as long term roommates so I think marriage is out of the question for this reason and many others.

I have keys to his studio and he has keys to my apartment. We do this for the convenience of letting ourselves in when we visit but also for the security of having a spare set of keys. Kevin was out of town for a week and I decided to have a little fun. So I let myself in and re-arranged all of his furniture. I didn't do this completely out of malice. I meant to help him appear to have more space in his studio, but I also thought of how funny it would be to mess with his OCD.

I flipped all the furniture from one side of the room to the other, and angled his bed differently and to a new wall. In the kitchen, I simply lowered one of his shelving units. I thought the height difference to be minimal enough to throw him off while he wondered what was different with his new picture. I had to wait two whole days for his return and reaction shortly thereafter.

He called me on his return day.
Kevin: Hey Nomad. Miss me?
Me: Never. What's up?
K: What are you doing this weekend? Wanna come over?
Me: I don't think I'm doing anything. Okay.
K: You know what we should do?We should fix up my apartment.

So at this point, I think he's onto me. And in retrospect, what was I thinking? HE has keys to MY apartment too!

Me: Okay. Hey, what's that noise in the back? Where are you?
K: I'm on the train, leaving the airport now.
Me: Oh okay, well since you're not home yet I'll let you go. See you this weekend.

Ninety minutes later I get a text message.
"Haha!LMAO. I owe you some good sex Nomad. You're officially my girlfriend now."

Damn him. The only satisfaction I got out of this was when I saw him a few days later. Kevin's brother was crashing at the studio, kept the secret secret, and helped me move the heavier furniture. The brother left before Kevin returned so when Kevin saw the rearranged apartment he thought his brother had stolen something because the new layout made it look like there was missing furniture.

my iron forecast

It's amazing how long I've gone without ironing. I never thought it was possibly but laziness has made me more inventive.

My minimal spending budget has inspired many new outfits out of existing pieces that I stopped wearing altogether. Maybe to conmemorate the fact that I began a new fiscal year, and that i survived the Month/Quarter, and Year-end activites (all while being guided by a uncommunicative trainer who liquid dances on his spare time and has very little social skills) I should iron everything iron-able in my closet. And maybe then I wont have to iron again till next quarter.

I made it to Spring without buying any new clothing. Now I'm setting myself up to see how much I can hold off buying until i move. It's a little neurotic but i see something i like and tell myself that it's coming out of my down payment, this has done the trick so far.

One thing I do know is that once I start shopping again, umm, I need a lil more color in my wardrobe. I went through a tans and neutral phase, and now I'm stuck in black and dark colors. I can't even blame the fact that i'm back in nyc, cuz the clothes were part of my repertoire before I got here.

Actually, I have made one purchase this year that was completely understandable. I got pearls! A co-worker went to China and I told her to bring me back 30 dollars worth of any pearl she could find since the pearl market there is inexpensive. I was very happy with the results. $30 USD later I had a set of earrings and a bracelet that I happily wore and was completely distracted by for the first two days I wore them.

Being who I am, what else was I to rock it with on a ironing strike? Why cargo pants, tim's, and a button down of course. Have i ever mentioned liking my job's dress code policy?No midriffs, nor workout clothes. The end.

well, what do you know

At the burial the pastor read a verse that stuck with me. Well it stuck with me in terms of me thinking "I need to google what he just said." (I guess this does prove that I am of the Millenia(?) generation).

I've never heard of Thessalonians so after unsuccessfully googling the search terms "Corinthians mourn", I found it:

1 Thessalonians 4:13
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.

If not for faith, I should pick up the book every now and then just for the literature. Good stuff.

I've accompanied some of my friends to some church services over the past few years. To be honest, I am usually distracted from what the pastor is saying by the show, for lack of a better word, around me : mostly it's the people dropping to the ground, or speaking in tongues. I always stare and wonder if they're faking it.

oops/yay

I had to pull one of my more recent posts; it was a rant about Yankee Stadium. A friend erroneously informed me that there was going to be a new stadium in Manhattan. I had an online fit. But it's over now, they're just moving across the street. The Bronx Bombers will still be in the Bronx.

Another more important note that's cheered me up: I spent the past two days with one of my best friends. Sadly, she was in town for her dad's funeral. I made the wake as originally planned and even made the burial despite getting caught in a 2.5h ride to her house that normally takes 40-60 minutes depending on traffic conditions. I worry like it's my job and so I was relieved to find her in a good state given the circumstances.



I finally went to the dentist this morning and have no new cavities. This always brightens me up because the first time I went to the dentist I was 7 or 8 and I had four cavities. These were in the days before the nice white fillings so I've been robo-mouth ever since. On my way back it ocurred to me that I could maybe ask the dentist to go over my existing cavities with the new white filling. I would most likely have to pay for it out of my own pocket but who cares? I didn't pay for any of the other procedures I had today.

The father of one of my best friends passed away a few days ago. The email was sad and unexpected. With that said, I don't feel like writing much. Just been thinking about a lot of stuff as a result. Luckily works keep me busy during the day.

The only funeral I've ever attended was four years ago. It was for someone who was like a father to me but I never really thought about it or realized it until his passing. I'm attending the wake for my best friend but I'm still not sure if I have it in me to attend the burial.

Nomad no more! The Easter edition.

After starting off the 3-day weekend at an unsatisfactory slow pace which consisted of twelve and fourteen hour hiberntation sessions (all those late night blog posts finally caught up with me), I was finally productive today.

I went property hunting today and saw a place that I am going to make an offer on and that I actually really liked: location, price, size, oh and price. It feels a little surreal and I'm not sure I want to have them necessary accept my offer right away because now it feels like it's happening too quickly. But I definitely plan to make 3 offers on 3 different apartments (coops and condos) this week and get some price negotiations under my belt. (I learned today that I can make offers and negotiate without having signed a contract. Not that I'm trying to waste anyone's time by making offers on 3 apartments, but hey, it may happen, sucks to be a seller).

When I saw the beautiful bargain today, why didn't i want to immediately jump on it? I quickly remembered the following:

• I have lived in 3 different countries.
• Within the US, I have lived in 6 states. 3 of these 6 states were an occurrence of the past two years.
• Even when i lived in NY, we would move to a new apartment on average every two years.
• And within NY, I have lived in 3 different cities.
  

Even though I don't plan to live in the same place for 30 years, the thought of a 30 year mortgage, that's more years than what I have been alive is ... what's the word? Terrifying. Daunting. Overwhelming. And then again, exciting and anxiety-causing.

memories, the good and the bad

I recently rediscovered a collection of pictures that i had not gone through in a very long time. I take many pictures (thank you digital cameras) and sometimes they are of odd things that I'd be embarrassed to admit to. Cliche goes that pictures are worth a thousand words but for me it's more like a thousand memories.
















I remember everything. Sometimes I remember too much (which makes forgiving hard...whoa what a tangent). anyway, i usually am told i have good memory for remembering minuscule details or obscure events. I can't necessarily agree with this blanket statement due to many not so insignificant moments that i cannot always easily recall. But I did surprise myself recently.

In particular, there was a batch of college pics that brought back a lot of forgotten moments. I stared at the pic and it's like I suddenly became a detective of my own past.

• I remembered when I got that haircut or that it's when I first started styling my hair differently and was still learning. What I thought about it. What inspired it. How some reacted to it. What I thought of the new attention.
  
  
• Something about the pic told me that I was still growing into my own skin. Body language, maybe.
  
  
• My eyebrows. They've undergone many transformations. I looked at the pic and remembered who had last plucked them and what a big deal it was that they so "thin" then. Though I look back on them now and they still looked too bushy, and in nearly every picture , they are always uneven.
  
  
• Weight fluctuations. I never notice weight changes on others unless it's drastic. I'm an even worse gauge to myself. It is never until time passes and a "before" and "after" pic exists that I can bring myself to agree with other's comments on my +/- 8 pounds. Back then clothing losing their fit could've meant that I was in college doing my own laundry.
  
  
• The price of every article I had on, possibly where it was purchased and whether or not I found it on sale. Money was tight then and every cent counted a lot so every purchases was meaningful. I remember a friend reminding me of my budget, which I had disclosed to her, for one particular semester long after I had forgotten about it. I had twenty bucks a month to spend on clothing.
  
  
• I looked for clues in the things that were photographed beside me. The posters I had on the wall, what had become of them? Some of the random desk supplies that I still own. The other miscellaneous items that appeared in the photograph, some were lost in my numerous moves, or I had outgrown them and given them away.

Aside from the obvious visuals of the photograph, there were certain images that reminded me of happy times and not so happy times. It's in the smile, the setting, the posture. I also look at some pictures and can see my naiveness of that time and it makes me cringe. Ahh, growth.

this crazy place

My (temporary) roommate saw a homeless man talking on his cellphone.

you are who you be with

I'm an insomniac so this means one more post tonight.

Dime con quién andas y te diré quién eres. Spanish proverb that translates into "Tell me with whom you walk and I will tell you who you are" or "A man is known by the company he keeps."

I went to a birthday this past weekend and ran into more than a few college people who I haven't seen since graduation. College sometimes seems like ages ago though it has barely been three years. Among the mini college reunions of that night there were two that struck a nerve with me.

Let's set the stage with the fact that this was a party. People were dancing. In particular, there was a group of guys off to the side who were free-styling, breaking, and pop-locking it. I walk over to Class Clown who is watching the crowd. I ask him why he hasn't joined at least the dancehall group, I mean, this was something I regulary saw him do in our college years.

"Are you kidding me? Those kids are like sixteeen. I can't do that anymore." So there I stood confused. I may joke around with everyone about how turning a quarter of a century means memory loss, dentures, and thinning hair, but by all means, I don't mean it. Class Clown sounded so defeated I couldn't bare to stand near him. I pressed him on the issue to make sure I hadn't misunderstood his statement. Indeed, he truly believes that at 25 he is physically unable to do something he did at 23.

I then wondered if Class Clown's state could have something to do with the fact that he is now a father, but that's a senseless excuse. It's not like he physically had the child. I would have accepted a reason like "I'm tired because I am the parent of an infant." But never, "I can't do things like that at twenty-five." Soon after, I distanced myself from him and reached out to someone else I haven't seen, Class Clown's BFF.

The BFF has no children, check. (I gotta stay away from those low-energy people now so they don't drag me down). But he was also watching the crowd and not up to his old ways of dancehall stardom. I asked him why he wasn't dancing, as I tried not to gawk at how much more muscular he's gotten. His response? "I'm too old for that. Those are kids." We'll I'll be damned! Needless to say, I did not seek them out to keep in touch; I wish them well with their defeated selves.

what can you spare?

As I was leaving the train station I saw a man standing to the side of the stairs. At a quick glance I thought he was waiting for the wave of people coming down the stairs to subside but then I realized he was speaking to everyone that passed. As I got closer this speech turned from "canyuspersumchainpleez" to "can you spare some change please. Can you spare some change please for food."

I didn't give him change, nor did anyone around me but when I walked passed me he nodded and said "how are you?" My automatic response was to look him in the eye, crack a smile and say "I'm fine. How are you?" As soon as I said this I thought of how foolish and maybe even considerate I was being. Here he is, begging for money for food. I think I have a good shot at guessing how he is doing.

"I'm good. Thank you," he said as he smiled back at me and then returned to his chant of "Can you spare some change please. Can you spare some change please for food?"

sensitive news

I got some sad news yesterday. A friend's status update on Facebook that alarmed. He's usually a high energy and optimistic person but his status message seemed gloomy. I immediately sent him a text (something I don't usually do) that read "baby whats wrong?" (something I don't usually say but something told to act with lots of tlc). I wasn't expecting a response of "my brother's been in a coma for two weeks."

A lot went through my head. For one, I know his brother is "sick", though I was never sure what this meant, I never pried to ask for details, and I don't think now is the time. (I have a slight inclination to think it may be cancer?I can only say this with 50% certainty. )High Energy has mentioned in the past regular hospital visits that his brother had were maybe monthly. My impression was that this was some follow up to something that was under control.

I didn't know how to respond, my first reaction was to respond with "your family is in my prayers" but this would not be true. I don't pray. High Energy knows this by now, he's known me for five years. I didn't want to come across as generic and fake at a time like this so I just told him that I'm here for him, though I felt kind of helpless not being able to say something that he (as a devout Christian) would find more meaningful.

I'm curious to know more of the situation and I've been thinking about him a lot. He recently just accepted a promotion so he now lives in a different state altogether about a thousand miles away from home. I start to cry just thinking of what he's going through.

Gitter Done

I know I always have a list of things I want to accomplish:sowing classes, working out, cooking more, grad. school, learning to swim, the list goes on. My list always grows, and things magically fall off, which is entirely differently than being crossed off.

Instead on being hard on myself for letting things fall of the list, I'm going to temporarily choose to ignore them and focus on the things I have gotten done. I am not in a sad mood and in need of cheering up, I just suddenly feel like not being so hard on myself.

Things I got done:

1. An hour's worth of gre/gmat math exercises. Area is pi*(radius squared).Circumference is twice pi*radius, or pi diameter. Turns out you can't use a calculator on this test, not that this has anything do with geometry, I just felt like pointing out a big difference between grad school and college entrance exams. I don't necessarily like standardized tests but a nomad's gotta do what a nomad's gotta do.
2. Last week I finally completed a jewelry box from recycled materials. See the pics below.
   
3. I have not shopped. I will make it to Spring.
4. I took out the trash and recyclables. Kitchen stench is now gone.
   
5. I did laundry, have not ironed. I believe I have not turned my iron on all year.
6. I blog. I should probably count this towards my gre prep work, except that what i write isn't always cohesive, so does it count? I blog as I think, I don't think in cohesive chunks. I think at random in many directions at once.
   
7. I have not been wasteful with food. I even ate my chicken stew gone flavorless disaster.
8. I went property hunting!! This deserves its very own blog but it's extremely late, I am overdue for bed and just had to put it out there. I have officially kicked off my "Nomad No More" © project. I hope to be in a place to call my own by the end of the year. Yes, this is crazy, I just moved here, one can probably argue many reasons why I should wait till I get more settled, but I am kicking this off now. Even if I don't make it by end of year, I will be extremely prepared for when the time comes for my thirty year commitment. Although I have only viewed one property, I spoke to a bank and was pre-qualified for a loan and am doing more research on loans, properties, neighborhoods, the works. Currently extremely overwhelmed, excited, and anxious.

The Jewelry Box:
Materials

Procedure















Finished Product

who needs a book? talk to strangers.

I've been carry the same copy of The Outsiders in my bag for over a month and I'm still on the first page. I can't bring myself to read on the subway, let's see how much better GRE flash cards fare. I'm too busy watching everyone on the train, what they wear/listen to/read/say/do/react. Maybe I'm just too easily amused but people to me are funny and interesting subjects to observe.

The Young Guy:
He sat across from me and was well dressed and well groomed. His attire suggested employment at an uber conservative firm: tie, two-toned button down, silver bracelet on the right hand, black and silver watch on the right, . He's definitely dressing the part but one thing gave away his youth. He was wearing black Puma sneakers with his suit. They weren't worn in that "I'm trying hard to be trendy by surprising you with sneakers on my feet as I wear a suit" way. I contemplated asking him if he actually wore them all day. I thought to myself that maybe this was the guy equivalent to those professionally dressed women in sneakers subway, many who have obviously switched out of their too-high black pumps. He was carrying a large bag but it wasn't bulky enough to suggest that his shoes were in it. Maybe he changes into his "good" shoes when he gets into work. Or maybe he really does wear those on his feet all day. Although classy plain black and on the "dressier" side of footwear, they are definitely sneakers a mismatch to his overall look.

Another thing I noticed about the young guy was that he was leafing through paper copies of pictures. They were in those pharmacy envelopes you used to get before digital cameras became a commodity. I wondered if he had used film or maybe used the photoprocessing machine to makes prints off of his flash memory card. Something about the red envelope that the pictures were in made me think that the latter wasn't the case. I wanted to ask him about that too.


The Conspiracy Theorists:
They sat on the same bench as me, side by side, to my right. It was hard to not hear what they said to each other, despite the fact that they were sitting right next to each other. I think everyone did as I did and pretended to not hear them. Both men got on at different stops, they're at the very least acquaintances who were catching up with each other on what the current state of America is. What was amazing to me was not how crazy and lacking their logic was about the current state of things. Instead it was how they at one point would finish each other's sentences. How could A know what B was about to say when A made no sense? It was mind-blowing to hear two people converge on the same points that had little or ill fact substantiating them. While on the topic of famous assassinations, A, or maybe B?, stated that Obama has too fair of skin to worry about being targeted by an assassin. According to A, or maybe B?, Obama would need the complexion of a darker African-American. Again, the both agreed. Again, I wanted to talk to a stranger on a subway (for someone that grew up here, I am such a newbie sometimes). Just like I wanted to ask Young Guy about his shoes and photo processing, I wanted to ask A, or maybe B?, what about Bob Marley? Was he not a fair skin black man who was assassinated? This would have been very poignant considering that A, or maybe B?, was wearing a Rasta hat.

What a tangent that was, so back to the original topic: books, was it? I got a library card yesterday.

cleaning out my closet

I haven't bought any new clothing since Jan18, I found the receipt to prove it. March just kicked in and I'm wondering if I can make it to the official start of Spring before I succumb to retail. I should also add that after more than six months I finally went to the Salvation Army two weeks ago to donate clothing I've outgrown, whether in style of fit. I go back and forth in using this to rationalize needing to buy a few items for replenishment purposes.

I found the most eye-opening item in my closet over the weekend. I've been in my apartment for just over two months and I had never lifted a panel on the shelf. I was desperate to move in so maybe skimmed too much on the pre-move cleaning because there was a pornographic DVD with a very illustrative cover. Funny enough, this is not the first time this has happened to me. I lived in a different apartment a year ago that had designated storage units separate from the apartment. After getting the storage key I quickly rummaged through for anything that could've been of value (it was my first apartment). I found a broken VCR and a vibrator. At least this prior tenant remembered to take the tapes with her.

back to my nerdy ways

Something I need to get out of the way: I just gotta say that I love the fact that I can wear jeans to work. Everyday.


I'm proud of myself. I did some GRE/GMAT prep work tonight. Even though my preliminary scores weren't what I expected, and are no way near where I want them to be, I'm gonna spin this as "I'm still happy for me." I've been talking about taking the test for way too long now, and as proven tonight, the longer I wait, the more certain that the circumference and circle area formulas become one in my head. So wish me well.

I also plan to have vocabulary flash cards to read on the train on my way to and from work.

my first disappointment

I had my first disappointment at my new job. It came last week at an after-work, after-hours event. I was sick that day, that week for the matter, but I made the conscious decision to go for a couple of reasons that I'll summarize as this: This job may not be as 'corporate'/stuffy/political as my last, but nonetheless there are still politics and ways of the work culture that i can observe/learn from/digest more when I'm socializing my co-workers out of the office. It doesn't hurt that when people are drunk (and I'm sober) they fess up to lots more stuff like "what companies do people go to after their run here is over?" Also, I realized that I have not attended any after work events, and since I'm still "the new girl", I don't want to come off as anti-social, even if I were.

I would like to interrupt all of this by saying that I got a PhD in Corporate Politics after two years at Fortune5.

As I was leaving, an inebriated higher-up pulled me aside and told me to let him know if "that LastName boy comes on too hard." At first, I was very confused as to what he was talking about, but minute I caught on, I purposefully maintained my confusion compure to let him know how ridiculous and unnecessary his comment was.

First of all, no one in the office refers to anyone by their last name. It's a casual, first-name basis type of environment. Higher-Up was referring to the office intern, who's younger than me (and hence the youngest person in the office). The fact that he didn't refer to the intern by first name, and not even by "intern", just rubbed me the wrong way. I shook my head at Higher-Up's suggestion of any trace of inappropriate behavior by LastName but thanked him for his concern.

Because this exchange can only get better, Higher Up then said something to the effect of, "We're from the same island so I know how the men can be." When he said that I couldn't hide the "excuse me?!" look from my face but then recovered to ask this White male about just exactly what island he was from (because being from an island myself, via my parents, if you wanna be technical, I could not fathom what island this man could be from. And yea, not to sound ignorant, I of all people should comment on people "looking" like they're from here or there, but still, it's my first reaction to this auburn haired man who looks like he burns in the sun very easily). Haiti, of course! Long story, but he lived there for over a decade, his parents or ancestry is not Haitian but he knows what the men of Hispaniola "are like."

I was already offended at his disregard for LastName, who has worked there a little longer than I have.

Then, I was offended at the thought that two young people from similar backgrounds (but only from a certain background!) can't be cordial without someone suspecting that foul play is going on. (Never mind that in the even that LastName and I did have something, it wouldn't be against policy cuz neither one of us reports to the other.) I couldn't shake the gut feeling that he would never go up to a female white co-worker and say "is that young white male I see you talking to, is he bothering you?"

To top it all off, his claim to know what island men "are like."

I have purposely avoided LastName for the past few days, I don't want to jeopardize him in any way, though he is doing nothing wrong. As far as Higher Up goes, I have my eyes open a little wider. Luckily, I had announced that I was leaving the party before we had this enlightening conversation so I was able to quickly remove myself from the conversation and clear my head on the train ride home. Now that it's out in writing, it's done. Not gonna let it get to me. I mean, if Higher Up has gotten to where he is carrying this ignorance with him, then there's no limit to what I can do with my heightened sense of awareness, intelligence, tact, and wit, right? (This is how I get through moments like these).

Housekeeping: Image credits to http://www.willmurai.com.

this cheered me up

I got an unexpected email today from a former manager of an internship I. He left the company we worked for sometime after my internship was over.

Hi [Cheeky],

Sorry for the extreme delay in accepting your invitation! I was just reviewing linked-in and saw it.

I see you've moved on from [Fortune5] to [ a new company] . Congratulations on what seems like a great move. I always knew you had the potential to move on from that crazy place!

All the best,
[Your Former Manager]

I don't need further validation on why I made the right decision in leaving (despite being asked by a current colleague if I had had a temporary brain aneurysm) but it was nice to find this in my inbox.

meet the parents, part deux

I spent maybe a good hour with Pretender's parents last week. Mostly with his dad. The picture is of the gift his parents gave me before I left their store. Can't say it's my style with the bedazzle-crazy neckline but I did wear it to work the next day. Partly cuz I uttered "Oh my gosh, I can wear this to work tomorrow," (I didn't know what else to say, but that seemed polite) but I also wore it because I can't remember when was the last time I ironed.

During our meeting his dad invited me to his home, asked me if I still remembered any of the phrases of his home-language and egged me on to greet his wife in a traditional kneel. (P's parents are not American). I was apprehensive about kneeling for the Mom because the last time I had done it, P and I were dating and it was my first time meeting the parents. I wasn't sure what exactly the kneeling meant not that I was not "part of the family." I could just imagine the angry call/text from P now that 1- I visited his dad, all while "unsupervised", 2- without telling him, and 3- that I had let his parents believe that we were back together or something to that effect.

After being assured that kneeling did not have anything to do with in-law relationships but was just a matter of respect for elders I interrupted the mom as she was about to hug me so I could kneel for her. I never completed my kneel. I was half-way into it, not one knee had touched the floor when she scooped me up mid-air into this tight hug, nearly knocking me down as she attempted to swing me around. She was a bit more than overjoyed to say the least, that I had remembered and/or that I had actually greeted her in her country's tradition. To the onlooker in the store who witnessed this hilarity of a moment ensue she quipped, "Thees is how you greet people in my country!"

It was fun catching up with the Dad, as I watched he and his wife interact, I thought (i should be ashamed to admit this) about how touching it would have been to actually have been a part of this family. And seeing their whole-hearted long lasting marriage, I wondered how Pretender got to be the way he is. Though later I thought that the apple did not fall far from the tree, at all. My thoughts quickly jumped back to his dad whispering "greet her with the tradition, she will love it." I was so set up! Earlier in our meeting, I also had a dialogue with the dad that left much to interpretation because of the language/accent barrier. The dad called himself "ambitious" when it came to me and who knows what. I smiled and shook my head because I think he was referring to the who "FFI" thing (see previous post).

I can just imagine the call that P got from his parents. Whatever his reaction was, I wanted to avoid hearing it so I very ingeniously found a way to change my number without really having to change my number. It's worked so far but it in no way feels like this chapter is over. I put a return address on the greeting card I sent his Dad. The boy is persistent, he gets it from his father.

the greatest lie ever told

What did i do on my day off last week? got some errands out of the way and --- let's cut to the chase. I visited Pretender's parents. I did this for a couple of reasons, some reasonable, some not so reasonable. I feel like telling this story like Gabriel Garcia Marquez did "A Chronicle of a Death Foretold", but don't have such literary skill.So you will just have to bare with sporadic thoughts that would be well connected had I thought out what I'm going to write.

When Pretender and I dated, his Dad really liked me. He even once sent me a Thank You card signed "F.F.I.", which he explained as "Future-Father-in-Law." It's safe to say that even though P and I are no longer, his Dad still has an affinity towards me. Or so I thought, but then not so much "or so I thought" because... you'll see.

Pretender called me on my birthday. And in the conversation he threw in unsolicited information about how his dad has always asked for me during all this time (we broke up Fall '03, didn't tell the parents for at least a month or two later). He said his dad wanted to see me and then something to the effect that the only way that this would happen would be if Pretender coordinated the effort. Being the manipulative control freak he volunteered that he would have to be present and coordinate this meeting to "control the situation". Me then being the sassy control freak that I am said that if he just gave me his father's business address I could meet his dad by "my damn self."

I just remembered having blogged about this, so yea, I found his dad's home address on the Thank You card and sent him a greeting card, including my cell. Long behold, his dad calls me the day after he received it. At 10am, just 5 hours after I had gone to bed after a night on the town.

P's Dad was very happy to have heard from me, said he was expecting Christmas cards every year and that he had always checked up on me via his son. Then came the real shocker, "I know you were in the South, but where are you now?" Say what? Am I completely imagining things or did Pretender not tell me a few weeks ago that his Dad wanted to see me now that I was back home. At the news of knowing that I'm now back in the city, his dad immediately invited me over to his house. His dad is such a sweet person, but I am in no way going to visit my ex's family in their own house. Any ex, let alone this one, especially since he has a "lady". I couldn't react quickly enough, it had just woken up and was running low on sleep. The best I could maneuver out of a soon-to-be awkward situation was by volunteering to visit the Dad at his business and say that I get too lost anytime I drive out to that other borough.

Can't say I was too mad at Pretender because of how little I expect from him. Nonetheless, I was still amused and bewildered at the lie. Did the Great Pretender really lie about his dad wanting to see me so he could take me to his dad, aka, make an excuse to pick me up from my house? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I won't. I've done that too many times before, I could not have picked a name for fitting for him: the Great Pretender.

why i live alone

My last rant post went on for too long so I'm just going to get to the various punch lines of the week.

Boy says this, completely unprovoked: You know I can tell that you put some thought into decorating (as he looks around my living room). But what are you trying to go for? I don't see a theme, there's like no cohesiveness.

Me, a few hours later when we were heading to go out to a club: Is that what you're wearing?I mean, I can see you put some effort into it, but I think you're outfit is lacking cohesiveness.

He takes pride in his wardrobe, I take pride in my apartment. We're even.

---
Boy: Your internet connection! How do you live like this? This is so inefficient and not productive.
Me: What?
Boy: I got kicked off online.
Me: I use my neighbor's signal, it's free. I usually have so many tabs open that I can continue reading even if I lose the signal for a few minutes.
..a day later...
Boy: I spent some time at an internet cafe doing some stuff I couldn't at your place since your umm, internet connection is so flaky.
Me: I said nothing. By now all attempts at comments that I thnk are said with the intention to get some rise out of me are ignored.

---
Boy: Who lives like this?
Me: There was life before a microwave, I just don't need one. Plus it helps me make sure I cook my own meals because I can't just buy ready to eat stuff.
Boy: I've always had a microwave.
Me: I didn't grow up with one. Haven't had one in over six months and I'm still here.
Boy: But heating things on the oven takes so long, it woul dbe more efficient and convenient to heat things up quickly in a microwave.
Me: I have an oven as well. I don't wait till I'm hungry to heat things, and you know, a stove a long time ago was used to prepare food. They still work.

---
Boy: Your bed is noisy. What is this? Are you a bed-wetter?
Me: It's a mattress protector, i've always had one. I like my mattress and it wasn't noisy till you pointed it out.
Boy: Hear this! (Rubs his hand over the mattress in an exaggerated and repetitive fashion to make a crinkly noise)
Me: I find you really annoying sometimes.

---
Moments before I pull my car over in front of Port Authority. Illegally may I add because it was a taxi-only designated area.
Boy: I've had fun, I don't want to go and would like to stay longer.
Me: Are you kidding me?! I can't stand here! GET OUT OF MY CAR!